Spiritually Laid Back

Kiara trying to be a Carl Sagan

Now that the book "Fire from Heaven" is out, I guess Kiara Sagan, oh sorry, Kiara Windrider, cannot back off from Kalki Bugwan. Carl, er Kiara, talks of the usual pseudo-scientific crap, Violet children, indigo children, super-races and now something called Ilahinoor. I never knew fecal matter could be so smelly. It’s basically more of that deeksha crap with some pseudo-astrophysics thrown in to improve credibility.

 Much like they tried to bring in the pseudo-neurobiological angle using Christian Opitz. Hold your nose and click on this.

Kiara quotes a "scientist" named Paul LaViolette (who from whatever i can find on the net seems like another Von Danikin), here’s a tidbit that hit me:

 Ilahinoor is a cosmic evolutionary energy. Like many other such energies sweeping the planet today, its purpose is to help humanity awaken to its infinite potential. Astrophysicist Paul LaViolette refers to a “galactic superwave”, emanating from the super-charged center of our Milky Way galaxy that pulses through our solar system every 13,000 years or so. Although this superwave, traveling close to the speed of light, has not reached us here in our solar system yet, it seems that we could be in the preparatory phases for it. Our bodies, hearts, and minds are being gradually re-wired in anticipation of the rather sudden evolutionary energies that may shortly be coming our way.

 First reaction: if the superwave is travelling at close to the speed of light, then how on earth can you know it is coming before it does !!!! If it has not even reached the solar system, then how can anyone detect it.
"The energies may shortly be coming our way", at the speed of light, let us not forget.

Thus, i hope readers will forgive me for jumping to the conclusion that "Fire from Heaven" or hell for all i care, and whatever scientific theories are presented in it, are just a crock of shit that should be washed down the toilet with your next dump.

A minor announcement follows. For those of you who have waited thousands of years for the arrival of the Kalki Avatar, and have been deeply and understandably disappointed by various charlatans like Vijay Kumar (Kalki Bhagavan and Amma, aka Kracki, Krapki etc) and a few more we won’t name, your wait could finally be over. Somewhere in the holy land of California sits the real Kalki Avatar biding His time (at Starbucks), waiting for the moment He will ascend His white arabian stallion and fly all over Mother Earth chopping heads off, or whatever. And He promises this will be on TV (Ed: hopefully not a paid channel).

Announcement: The real Kalki Avatar has arrived. Very gently click on this link, don’t break your mouse in trying to be the first to get there. His Holiness speaks at great length about Kalki Bhagavan and Amma. Very enlightening page. You may leave comments on the blog, too. (Yup, he has a blog, and asks for one dollar on his site from viewers to pay his bills). Keep sedatives at hand. Btw, Sri Kalki’s command over the English language is unrivalled, so keep dictionary in hand, too.

Move over, Amma Bhagavan and Orcs, we really believe this guy!

Tiny excerpt:

Fate of False Kalki, False Padma (Amma), his son Krishna, his wife, and his close followers will have such a horrible punishment that the world has never seen before. Everything will be broadcast live on Television. Wait for exciting events coming up soon. Till then let them enjoy royal life.

 

Ed: Hey, Sir Kalki, I hope there won’t be blood and gore all over the planet. I don’t mind if you just give Kalki and Amma a light spanking on their bottoms with a large trout, or even with one of Kracki’s own publications. And an extra 2 or 3 smacks for his indian dasas who extorted money out of us, an extra one from me too. But nothing more, please. No more lynchings, crucifixions, etc, for Christ’s sake. No more Mel Gibson movies. Sorry for being such a damp squib forgiver/pacifist etc. (And please remember that I am NO LONGER a follower. Spare me the whack !!!!)

A regular reader shares with us a miracle of Kalki he experienced once:

"Those were the days when I was following Kalki. We were all forced to celebrate the Anniversary when Vijay Kumar was married off to Padmavati, as this would bring us all untold grace, and them a lot of money and recruits (read: more money). We were told that in India people celebrate the marriage of Krishna and other Gods and get a lot of grace. Grace, grace, grace!

We had to invite a lot of people to the "marriage", we were forced to sell some cassettes of bhajans, and a pearl necklace (which would arrive shortly … it never did, everyone paid for the thing, but none here got it) and also forced to take up and make others take up a fast (vrat) or puja of 21 days which would culminate in a paid darshan of Amma. And that would bring us … you got it, untold grace.

Stories began doing the rounds that there were miracles at the houses of devotees who were celebrating the marriage. Lights emanating from the srimurthy. Everyone who had not conducted a marriage was eager to do so now, hoping to have a miracle in his drawing room. I saw such a miracle. 

 I was at yet another marriage, had seen no miracles, and of course was expecting none. Would God ever shower His grace on an unbelieving shmuck like me. Sure i did the deekshas and paid darshans and all, but was I really dying to suck Kalki and Amma’s toes. Not really, not even for enlightenment. Such an undevoted devotee was I!

Getting back to the story of the miracle I saw, there we were, singing some bhajan in praise of Kalki and Amma, and suddenly I see a shining from the srimurthy.  I can’t believe my eyes! Finally I have grace crashing in on me. Mr. Shmuck gets grace! I stood up and tried to attract attention. No one else could see it. Then some tilted their heads … and could!
I would be forever remembered as the guy who first saw the light emanating from Kalki’s divine mouth. I took pictures and confirmed that it came in camera too. Incontrovertibe evidence, even Jody could not fault!!!

 Then some time later the daughter of one devotee told me rather casually that she had put lip-gloss on Kalki’s mouth. That’s why it was shining! (Well, I give the gal 100 points for honesty.) There went my miracle, down the drain, to the septic tank! Grace sort of just slid off like water slides off a water-proof jacket. So now, i finally knew how the miracles of light all over town were happening. Just a little lip-gloss, that’s all folks. Would a guy even know that such a thing as lip-gloss existed.

 We were all told by Kalki himself of celestial miracles that would happen by the end of 2005. Of course, nothing happened … except all the lip-gloss, kumkum and honey in India was suddenly selling out. Kalki was to "storm" North India by September 2005. Well, he’s pretty much still holed in in the South of India, kicked out of his own state of Tamil Nadu (to Andhra Pradesh) and it’s 2007 now.

 The date for global enlightenment has been miraculously sliding from 2012 to 2018, and by now it could be rubbing cheeks with eternity."

Thanks for sharing the miracle, pal. Back to us.

I am no psychic, but i predict that VK, the Lord of Doom, will be completely run out of business by Jody/Guruphiliac. If you insist on a date I will say "by 2012".  VK’s Oneness Temple, which carries the stench of Mordor will be razed to the ground before it sees the light of day. VK will most likely seek asylum in the US where his son is accumulating land and wealth. Once exposed, he will have not even a rat-hole to hide in, in India. The naxalites and other groups will be after his life for fleecing the poor. And thus, the purveyor of doom will meet his own doom.

This is one of those awful mornings when you wake up to chirping birds, and a cup of steaming strong coffee but you find that there’s nothing on guruphiliac to read with the coffee! Now i suddenly don’t know whether i need the coffee more, or Jody!

So i clicked absently on some of the links which Jody thankfully provides (avoiding my own). The Chi-Ting Guru Gossip really made my morning. I am quite a regular at Tiruvannamalai (seeker, not Guru) and I am often irritated by the stream of funny-named so-called Gurus who land up in winter like an infestation of some vermin, all claiming spiritual connections with Arunachala or Ramana. I was thrilled to see that "Kevinananda" does a nice take on them. Some excerpts, but you must read the full details on this page.

"… I know a thing or two about fraud! Since I relocated to my winter residence in Tiruvannamalai, I have noticed that seasonal trickle of Guru’s on the make, has become a veritable flood. Like a dose of dysentry flushing out the colon, they linger for a short while and then evacuate themselves to more fiscally rewarding pastures, leaving a rank and pungent stench behind them"

[Ed: Yup, he could not have put it better. And one of the places in India they evacuate themselves to is Dharamshala. The others places are the cooler climes of Europe and Southern California. The next one is about a chap called Florian Tathagatha (haha, hilarious name) who claims connections to Ramana. I too saw him frequently at the Seshadri Cafe making silly gestures with the waiters and children nearby, trying to put on the "enlightened" act. How horrible it must be, having to fake being enlightened! ]